Loss

 When something unspeakable forces its way into your life, you realize how helpless you are. No matter what our plans, sometimes life throws us something that shifts our world, and there is nothing we can do about it.

 In the past 5 months I have lost 6 very dear family members. most of whom were perfectly healthy weeks before their death. I've gotten to say goodbye to none of them. People we love can be taken from us at any time, so we have to cherish them.

 Last night my Uncle Gerard passed away. Someone who started this week perfectly healthy will end it in heaven. He leaves behind his wife Debbie, and their 13 children. He was an incredibly hard worker who took care of his family the best way he knew how. When asked what he raised on his farm, his simple answer was "kids". He loved all his family. I remember celebrating milestones of my life with he and his enormous, loving family there to support me. He will be sorely missed.

 If there is one thing that I believe with absolute certainty, it is that everything happens for a reason. It is so hard to see reason when something this terrible happens. From this day forward the lives of my aunt and cousins will never be the same. But, one day, they will be better. Their pain will eventually pass and all that will be left are sweet memories, memories Gerard spent his life making.

 I believe it was John Lennon who said "Everything will be alright in the end. If it isn't alright, it isn't the end". Today is hard. It is full of tears and sorrow. But one day, today will be better. The only way I know how to deal with loss is to live this today for that today.

Impossible To Forget

 Twelve years ago the world went through a dark day. Thousands of people died tragically in an act of hate. We can never bring those people back, but we can try make the best of life without them. The inspiring stories of love, heroism, and kindness that I hear every year always move me more than the sadness I feel. People are truly amazing. All we can do is love each other. Bring out the best in your fellow man, and they will bring out the best in you.

 Every person needs love, even the aggressors. They might even need it the most. It is easy to love the hero. They are everything we hope to be. But, try to spare one thought of pity for those people so filled with hate that they felt compelled to kill thousands. If love and kindness could be spread worldwide hate and violence would end. Today try to love the person who needs it, not the person who deserves it.

 Pray for peace and love. They are the only things that can heal our hurt. Hate only creates more hate. Love burns like a fire, passing from person to person. With love, we all win.

 Remembering today all those lost, and all those still hurting. Love to you all.

Mountains

We all go through hard times.
We struggle as we climb the mountains that are our problems.
Day-in and day-out we battle with the bitter pains.

Sometimes people are there to help us.
Other times we climb alone.
Barely making it to the top.

The most important thing to do at the summit is to look back. 
Check to see if someone just starting their climb.
They need your help.

A Comparatively Excellent Post

 Who couldn't use a little more Zen in their life; more peace and happiness, less stress and anxiety? Doesn't that just sound positively perfect?

 This weekend I was in Virginia Beach, and as I was floating in the ocean I just remember feeling absolutely no stress. All my bills were paid. My gas tank was full. I was doing great in school. I was not at odds with any one person. I had two paychecks coming. Not to mention, I was at the damn beach!! Everything was going my way. (Until the sunburn set in, anyway!) I was so happy, and that happiness is carrying through.

 Lately, I keep asking myself "How does a person rid their life of stress?" And so, I have spent considerable (ish) time reading about this. So far, I have noticed that anyone who writes about living a stress free life almost always starts with "Stop Comparing Yourself!".

 Ugh!! C'mon Inspirational Writers!! You could have picked something easier as a starting point. Seeing how I measure against my peers is without a doubt one of the main sources of stress in my life. I didn't really realize it until a couple months ago, but it is the thing that causes me to doubt myself more than anything. I don't so much worry about what people think of me. But, I do spend an enormous amount of my time worrying about where other people are in life, and then thinking  "If they are there, I should be there too!"

  Everyone has problems, and no one is exactly where they want to be in life. I really have to learn to stop holding other people's lives up to my own just to see how they compare. I can't look at where I am and let myself think that makes me better or worse than someone else. I just need to make sure that everyday I am trying to be the best I can be. And then, not give a crap about where anyone else is.

 Right now, I am trying so hard to be satisfied with my life, to look at what I have, and know it is enough. One more baby step towards Zen, I guess.

 So, if you are feeling a little upset about your position in life, try not comparing your today to another person's today. Compare your today to your yesterday. You will feel better! I promise! I am trying it, and I haven't be happier in a long time! :)

Please Remember!

  We all do wonderful and sometimes-not-so-wonderful things. The terrible thing is, the negative things we've done are often all we can think about!

   People can be so hard on themselves! I know that half the time I worry that I am not good enough to be the person I want to be. The crazy thing is that all our faults are in the past. There are no faults in the future, only opportunity!

  We won't know how far we have come from our faults until we are tested again. If we are always telling ourselves we are not enough, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When it comes time to prove how much we've grown, it is easy to fail again because it is comfortable! If we don't expect great things from ourselves, why would we possibly be motivated to do them? Change the voice in your head! Know that you are capable of weird and wonderful things!!

  When muddled and confused, it is best to talk to Christopher Robin. He had the most muddled and confused friend, and he was constantly helping him realize his own worth.

  I wrote this post for one of my dear friends. She is one of the most amazing and awe-inspiring people I have ever met, but sometimes she forgets. Dearest, always remember, you are braver, stronger, and smarter than even Christopher Robin could have imagined!

Far Better Things

 So, it has been almost exactly a month since my last posting.

 Actually, about 20 minutes after my most recent post, I got a phone call telling me my grandfather had passed away. This was extremely sudden and heartbreaking news. Less than a week later one of my dear, close Aunts was put into a coma with the hopes that her health would improve after a recent diagnosis of Lymphomal cancer. About ten days later she passed away.

 If someone had told me on July 1st that I would lose two beloved family members within the month, I would not have believed them.

 Life is short, and nothing, except death, is certain. People are only in our lives for a very small period of time. We have to cherish every single moment we have with them. There is someone in your life today that you are taking for granted. Let them know you love them. Tell them what they mean to you. In less than two months I lost two completely alive and healthy people.

 Two weeks ago I was grieving with my dad's family, this week I will be grieving with my mom's. If not for the love an support of each other, we would all be a mess. I want to say how grateful I am for my amazing parents, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles. We are comforted in knowing that our loved ones are in a better place. They are together waiting for us. They are the far better things.

-Grandpa and Aunt Therese, I miss you both. The world is less without you here, but Heaven is so much richer. I love you- 

 

Climb

 People are amazing. Constantly, we are doing incredible things. People built a wall that is visible from space! They figured out a way to see the stars and visit other planets! For generations we have made beautiful art and amazing music. Our accomplishments are not by accident. We try hard and fail, then try harder. Every day we get closer to our goal. The whole time having this incredible incentive of accomplishment dangling in front of us. We all aspire to be better versions of ourselves. We see it in our future that we will be successful.

 Every day we have to climb a little higher, a little closer to being the person we see in our ambitions. If it was easy, everyone would do it. It isn't easy. It is hard. That is what makes it rewarding. Sitting at the top of the mountain is our reward. And, when we finally reach the peak and hold in our hands that thing we want more than anything...we will know that we climbed a mountain to get it.




{you've no need to move mountains when you are strong enough to climb them}

Ship Shape

 Let's say that I can see ten years into the future. Let's say I describe a typical day in your life. Wouldn't it be absolutely terrible if it sounded exactly like what you were doing today? Could you imagine ten years going by with nothing changing? It would be a waste of ten years! In the moment, change can be so scary; starting a new school, new job, new town, new life. But if we don't change, we can't grow.

 People are made to change and grow! We have a sense of wonder inside of us. It is in our nature to be wanderers and travelers. People want to go and discover new ideas and places. They want to learn and broaden horizons.

 Grace Murray was this incredibly successful woman. I believe she retired as an Admiral in the US Navy. She was a ground breaker. She had no fear in following her sense of wonder and letting it change her. I love what she says here. She could not be more right. We are ships. It is our fear of change that keeps us anchored in port. But, that is not what we are built for. We are made to be adventurers.

 {go out with wides eyes and discover. see something new. grow}

Get Your Butt Outta Oz!

 I spent a significant amount of my life in Northeast Kansas. Since there isn't much out there, people really only say one thing when I tell them that. So, let the Dorothy jokes commence....

 But seriously, I LOVE the Oz books (not a huge fan of the Judy Garland movie). There are like 12 or 13 Oz books...something like that. I have read most of them I think. Turns out, they are all free on Apple Books. So, if Oz is your thing, be like me and download them ALL! :)

Ok, here is Oz in a nutshell. Dorothy got sucked up into a tornado and dropped into Oz. She was lost and alone in this crazy, trippy place. Add Munchkins and Wizards? Poor girl must have been so, super confused! She journeys through this place trying to meet up with The Wizard. They make this poor girl go mess up a Wicked Witch before they will help her get home. Then, when all is said and done they tell her that she could have left any time she wanted. All she had to click her feet. In order to get home she literally had to use her own feet. No magic, balloons or any of that crap worked as well as Dorothy looking within herself and gettin' it done!!

 Kind of shitty on the part of Glinda and The Wizard to make her do all this running around before they tell her how to get home. But, let's put ourselves in their shoes (ha. ruby slippers joke). A girl from Kansas shows up. Of course you are going to try and get her to get rid of your Wicked Witch! Kansas girls know how to get stuff done!!

 All that aside, how awesome is it that in the end she did it herself? She didn't need a spell or a magic wand. She had the power all along. She just didn't know it. And guess what, boys and girls!! We've all had the power all along. We just have to learn it for ourselves. So, get out there and be fantastic. Get some stuff done and get your butt outta Oz!!

Dance, Dance!

 I was flipping through my Pinterest, and this picture really stood out to me. There was someone else in the room and they commented on how ugly the girl's feet are. They questioned why someone would take a picture of such ugly feet. They thought the person should want to hide them!

 It's funny...when I saw this picture, I had the opposite reaction! I thought it was one of the more beautiful pictures I've ever seen. Maybe some of you are disgusted by this as well. But, when I look at this all I can see is a person who loves something so much that they have let it consume them. They have lost regard for their physical well-being, and have immersed themselves in their art.

 I write about things that make me happy, or inspire me to live a more beautiful life. This is, without a doubt, one of the most inspiring things I've ever seen. I know people who dance, and it is just incredible the way they push their bodies! Dancing is what happens when you allow yourself to be physically overwhelmed by the music around you. To see a dancer move...you see the love and feeling in their soul pouring out through their limbs. It is a gift they give us, we get to see their love in motion. The music touches their soul, making the emotion well up within them.

 Here's to all you dancers...you are simply the best!

{trying to stay motivated is hard! i want to be good at this. i want to touch people with the words i write. if being good at something were easy, everyone would do it. stay motivated! that's all i can say to myself!}

Scars

 When we experience something it changes us. Every thought we think is influenced by the million billion before it. Sometimes, whether we want it or not, an experience will leave a scar. A scar is basically a little proof of that experience. Forever and ever it is imprinted on your body that you lived through something, that it changed you, that you survived.

 I like to think tattoos are like scars. They are scars we give ourselves. We get them to remind ourselves of something. For the rest of our lives, with us always, there is that physical reminder.

 My dearest, darling Gabrielle is getting her first tattoo today. Her's is an arrow.

 This isn't the exact design she is getting. Her's is much more beautiful, symbolic, and meaningful. But, you get the idea. The weights of her struggles have made her a stronger, better person; a person who is better equipped to handle the struggles of tomorrow.

 Just remember, you are an arrow. When life seems to be pulling you back, weighing you down, holding you in place...just know that if you stay determined and look ahead to the future, you will be launched far and fast into something amazing.

Great Job, Everybody!!

 The advantage to having truly incredible friends, is that they are always doing truly incredible things. The people close to me really do posses the most amazing talents...they can create (draw, sing, dance, paint, write, create, style, design, capture) things that blow my mind. I believe that the way people create is just a manifestation of their love. The beauty inside is so strong it just pours out of them!! So, honestly...great job, everybody!! Way to be awesome!!

 The disadvantage is seeing all this wonderful art and knowing I don't have an outlet like that yet. I think I know what mine will be, but it is just not time yet. In the mean time...I am going to write. I love thinking about lovely things, meditating on beautiful little musings. In order to keep my sanity until I can be out doing what I want with my life, this silly little blog is going to be my life!

 Mr. Ben is super, duper right. I can talk about this all day long...but only actions count. So, I am trying to stay super motivated about writing! Any motivating tidbits sent my way would be appreciated!!

Love and Hugs <3

It's Not That Bad, I Promise!

 I am a self-proclaimed Grammar nerd. I really am not as educated as I could be, but I do enjoy figuring out little, stupid Grammar nonsenses. I remember reading that John Lennon quote, the "grow up to be happy" one. I thought this was super clever!! Everyone else wants to be firemen or lawyers, all he wants to be is happy! Then I realized it was totally possible. "Be" is an active verb. (Active verbs are actions the subject performs, whereas passive verbs are performed upon the subject.) And so, I figured, just like you can "walk" anywhere, "see" anyone, or "make" anything...you can BE anything. It is up to you! You, decide what you want to be. No one can make you be anything you don't want to be! So, be HAPPY, you stupid ass! Don't be sad! :)

CHOOSE IT!! CHOOSE HAPPINESS!!!

 I think my favorite (and most used) cliche is "it is what it is". Honestly it is a very useless thing to say. Of course, if something is...that is what it IS. (uh....DUH!) But, it is also a wee bit deep; not super deep, but deep enough. You can't change how things are, you can only change the way they WILL be in the future. So, get out there. Be proactive! Make changes today that will result in a happier tomorrow! Just do it already! :)

Le Concert

 It's today! It's today! :) You know the part in Stuart Little with adorable little Jonathon Whatshisname? He is running around yelling about how today is the day he gets a little brother. He is just so incredibly excited. That is how I feel. Except, I am geeking out over a concert, he is thinking he is getting a baby brother (spoilers, its a mouse).

 

 Today all my buddies and I are going to see The Postal Service! We bought tickets to this concert back in March, so I've been prepping for this for awhile! If you don't know their music...check it out. It will be worth your while!!

 I think there are 5 of us going, and we are trying to pile into one car. I am not driving, so that means that all of my effort for the day needs to be put into securing "shotgun". I tried texting "shotgun" this morning, but that was quickly shot down. The rules clearly state that all parties must be present and the vehicle must be in sight. I don't know what I was thinking.

  Also, it is supposed to rain tonight. I could NOT be more excited. Its going to be like 80 degrees with summer showers. I LOVE summer showers, more than almost anything! :) Super, duper pumped am I!

 Oh!! P.S.!! It is my dearest Cousin Mary's birthday today. She is the absolute coolest, and deserves the happiest of  birthdays!! :)

Les Mis Is A Big Deal, We Get It.

 The first time I ever heard about Les Mis was in 7th grade. My teacher was going on about how great a book it was. I remembered thinking "I should totally read that", but I guess 7th grade crap got in the way. I then kind of forgot all about Les Mis until I was probably in 9th grade, and I watched the movie (not the movie-musical, mind ya!). It was awesome. If you haven't seen it, watch it. After that, I forgot all about it again until the movie-musical came out last year. I went and saw it, and thought that would be the end of it. Nope! A friend of mine is performing in a stage production of Les Mis this summer. I went and saw that, also amazing. I think I enjoyed the stage production better than the movie production. I think. It is tough to decide. I guess Les Mis will keep cropping up because, let's admit it, Les Mis is a big, ol' deal.

 Prior to seeing the musical a couple months ago, I didn't know much about it. I knew that it was a Broadway performance. I had heard the whole Susan Boyle thing, when she sang the big Fantine song and wow'd all of Britain. I think Glee might have done a version of the really dramatic Eponine song. But, its not like I was a big lover of the music to begin with. After having watched it, yes I love it. Yes, it is a big ol' deal. But, I think I still love the story more than the music.

 My super analytic sister pointed out once that the line in the music that best sums up the story is "to love another person is to see the face of God". Well done, Sloan. You are dead on!! The whole damn play is about love and how different people experience and express the love they feel.

 Jean Valjean, obviously has selfless love. He was only imprisoned because he was stealing to feed his family. He ends up raising some chick's kid, just because it was his fault she got fired from her job (which, let's face it, did ultimately result in her death. So, he definitely owed her something.)

Javert seems like a total jerk, but really he is just super devoted to his job. He loves France, and has so much respect for the position he keeps, serving his country. When he realizes that Valjean is a super great guy and probably doesn't deserve life in prison, he can't even deal with the idea of not doing his job, so he kills himself. Kind of a misunderstood love, but it was definitely there.

 Faninte just loves the crap out of her baby girl. She works herself to death trying to provide for her. That is obviously just really great, good-old-fashioned love.

 The whole Eponine-Marius-Cosette triangle is crazy full of love. Eponine expresses unrequited love. She'd do anything for Marius, even if it means helping him get some other chick (which she does, ultimately resulting in HER death. Spoilers. Everyone dies, guys.) Cosette and Marius annoy the crap out of me. They are so caught up in their little infatuations, that they sort of block everything/everyone else out. I guess that is nice in its own way. They have a fairy tale-ish, hopeful love. Not really practical when the freaking French Revolution is happening, but I guess someone forgot to tell them that. They are the only ones who survive the whole thing, so I guess they had something going for them.

 Anyway, it is just a really great story. Being a big lover of love, this story just really did it for me. You should read the book. Do it. Do it, now.

Multi-tasking Like a Boss

 Ok, so I tend to get distracted by things. I have really great plans to keep myself busy after work...but then Television happens. I end up watching reruns of a show I've seen a dozen times. So, working out, reading, my nails, other stuff, gets forgotten. So...I've decided to start multitasking...like a boss. 

 I've moved my treadmill in front of the television. (And that's just true...my treadmill is RIGHT in front of my tv). This way I can work out AND watch Seinfeld....like a boss. I also am trying to get smarter. Mainly algebraically. So, I am doing algebra...while watching Seinfeld...like a boss. 

 That's the view from my spot. (Yes, I have a spot. Like Sheldon, I love it dearly and no one may sit there). As you can see... Mathematics? Check! Cardio? Check! Prime time NBC show from the 90s? Check! 

 During one episode I work out, then during the next I do math. The only problem is going to be when I run out of Seinfeld. Well, I will cross that bridge when I come to it. Yes, I really will! :)

Nostalgia Is Super Weird

 So, last week my baby sister spent her graduation vacation back in our hometown in Kansas. I have been back there a couple times recently. Every time I've been back I did different stuff/saw different people. But, one thing I've never done is go see my old high school. I don't know why I haven't done this, but whatever.

 Anyways...back on track. Sloan was in St. Marys and she went to see our old school. She took a bunch of pictures and put them up on Facebook. Seeing them was, for some reason, super emotional. I teared up just looking at those dumb, old doors I walked through every day. But, honestly, how weird is that? I don't want to be back there. High school had its shining moments, but there is not a single part of me that wants that back. Not even slightly.

Stupid, old, gorgeous doors!! 

So, why in the world do I get all weepy and suddenly want to go all John Mayer on those hallways? (That is a reference to his song "No Such Thing". If you don't know that song...shame on you. Go listen. Go...go listen.)

 

  I have no idea. Nostalgia is weird. Super, super weird. Here's to not being in high school anymore. (Oh, also...that reminds me. That new Avril Lavigne song? What is with that? "Here's to never growing up"? That sounds miserable!! I can't wait to no longer be a poor, dumb kid. But, I guess if you are Avril Lavigne and have a butt load of money...growing up isn't a huge deal.)

 Whatever...that was a super tangent....just a big, ol' tangent. 

Dreamly

 I don't know a whole lot about dream. I think they are pretty darned interesting, though! I remember analyzing all my friends' dreams growing up, trying to figure out what they meant. Usually my friends had dreams like "I dreamed that I showed up for class naked" or "I was falling for hours and finally landed in a bed of fire ants" Those seem pretty straight forward. I guess. "You need to study better for the test, because subconsciously you know you are unprepared" and "Don't jump off cliffs directly over fire ant beds". Simple enough!

 Mine are ALWAYS nonsense. They always feature real people from my life putting me in bizarre situations that could never possibly occur in real life. For instance, last night:

 My dream started off that I was back in high school. The school I went to was a big ol' Catholic campus. Buildings were all spread out all over the place. Which made it a prime place for hide and seek. Which was fortunate because, in this dream, the main focus of my school was rigorous games of hide and seek. They were so dedicated to hide and seek, that if you were found too quickly, you could be kicked out of school! They weren't messing around. Well, my trusty buddy Liz and I were determined to win (or really just not lose) so we did the logical thing and got in my car and drove away. They can't find your hiding space if you aren't even on campus!

 Also, Liz and I were very concerned for the well-being of the kids on campus. We were worried the game was getting too rough for them. So, we snuck them away to play at a park. Somehow we found a bus, which she drove, and loaded all these kids up. I was going to follow in my car (which was the same car Count Olaf drove in "A Series of Unfortunate Events"). But, who should be waiting for me in my car? That guy who sometimes kidnaps me and takes me to his weirdo house out in the country! (this was one of those weird dream memories, somehow in my dream I had a memory of this happening before...very Inception-y)

 Anyway, apparently this had happened to me before. This guy would come kidnap me and if I could find my way out of his house he would let me go. So, we are driving, driving, driving until finally we come to a house where it looks like a giant yard sale is going on. Just crap everywhere. So much junk! Turns out, that is just how his house looks, no yard sale. Well, I am stuck inside this house for a good long while, until "ding-dong", the doorbell rings! Of course, it is my friend Celia and her baby. They are selling lemonade door-to-door in order to raise funds for Gabriel's (the baby) baptism. I am pretty sure those are free, but dream me apparently knows no logic. Well, answering the door was just the solution I needed to get out of this house. So, I bought a glass of Celia's lemonade and strolled out the front door. Why I needed to wait for someone to ring the door, I do not know.

 And, that is how Celia and Gabriel saved my life with a glass of lemonade. Great story, right?

:)

Transitions

 So, about 2 months ago, I had a major breakdown. I was all upset that I was never going to save any money. So, I would never be able to pay for next semester. So, I would never be able to finish my degree. So, I would never be able to get a good job. So, I would never be able to save money. (Damn, money seems to be the common stress factor here) My freak out ended in my laying Disney-Princess-Style on my mom's bed sobbing my eyes out.

 Silly, ol' me!! I got so stressed over things that have, now, worked themselves out. I have two great jobs. I am on track to be able to have Fall 2013 payed for. And now, after reviewing my finances, I can afford to spend Christmas seeing my dear cousins in Germany!

 It seems like every one else in my life is also in the middle of some kind of transition; graduation, new jobs, moving, new baby. It is really tough to make transitional decisions. "Ahh!! What if I make the wrong choice and I end up screwed forever?!!" (I feel like I ask myself this at least once day) But, really all you can do is keep plugging away at everyday. Eventually everything will seem super clear and every decision will be the easiest!

 Just spend every day being the best possible version of yourself. Then, before you know it, you have gotten through the rough parts and it will be on to smooth sailing!!

 Here's to smooth sailing!! :)

New Job et Other Random Updates

 Back in Virginia, and back to normal life. Sort of.

 Whilst in vacation I got hired working in the finance department of a local Catholic College. Not the most exciting job in the world, but it pays really well, and the experience is crazy helpful! I started yesterday. It took all morning to get my desk set up and all the files and programs I needed. So, today is essentially the first day I spend doing my job all day. Anywhoozles, I am enjoying it.

                My little Hobbit Hole

 In other news, I watched Mean Girls yesterday. As should you.

 

 Also, the new season of Arrested Development is happening. So far....eh. But, I am willing to keep watching. It is such a great show, it can afford to have a few shaky episodes.

 Sloany will be back from her trip to the beach, and TJ's flight comes in tonight around 3pm or some such nonsense. The Seelbach Family will be all together again! Finally! Looking forward to it.

 Hmmmmm....anything else worth mentioning? Probably. Or not.

 Whatever. You stay classy, San Fransisco. :)

Finally Home!!

 I got in late last night! It felt so nice to sleep in my bed! No matter how comfy and accommodating other people's couches/spare beds/recliners etc. are, nothing beats a snooze in your own bed!

 I hope everyone had a lovely Memorial Day weekend! Hopefully you are all back safe and sound from your own travels. Now, let summer begin! 

 

Another Super Awesome Day...

 So, yesterday was fantastic!

 I woke up nice and early to go watch my amazing cousins dance. Loretta and Pat do Irish step dancing, and they are incredible!! I don't know much about Step, but as I understand it, what they were doing is called "soft shoe". They are so good at it, too!
---side rant--- Loretta is so cool. She is into all this cool stuff. She plays the violin and dances. She is into photography and acting. This summer she is going to do a drama program at a local theater. They are going to be performing "Cinderella". How cool is that? Gosh, my family is cool. --- end of side rant ---

 After dancing I went to Wamego and did a tasting at Oz Winery. What a great experience!! The wine was so incredible that I had a couple bottles shipped home to Virginia. Most of the grapes they use are local Kansas varietals. Being unfamiliar with Kansas wines, it was a great learning experience for me. Plus, the whole winery has an Oz theme. Not the "Judy Garland Oz", but "real Oz". All the bottles have the pictures from the books. The whole thing is so adorable.

 Then I popped over to Prairie Band to see Liz and Dee. I had a little lunch, then did a little gambling. Turns out they give you start up gambling money at Prairie Band, so that was awesome. I doubled my money back at roulette, so you might say I'm kind of a big deal. :)

 Tea and Dan had a BBQ last night, and it was so fun!! I saw almost all of Tea's siblings.  I hadn't seen any of them since her wedding. It was just like old times back in high school, except none of us had curfews. Ha!! :)  Dan grilled these delicious burgers. There was a bonfire. There was beer. There was booze. There were really great people. Just a really awesome time. All of Tea's little nieces and nephews are adorable. I love them all! Not to mention perfect little Maverick. He is such a cute little HotPocket!! I love him the mostest!! <3 

My little goddaughter, Lizzy, and I! She's one of Tea's sisters. 

The Pinterest lovers!! Me and Aggie Lou!!

Look at this grown up beast!! Makes me feel like a little kid now!!

 Looking forward to spending the day the day with TJ and my family!! Happy Memorial Day weekend everyone!!

Let It Go

 I don't have a whole lot to say about this particular picture, but I love the quote. It is so true!! Sometimes you have to just move on. Not because something is bad or wrong for you, but because you don't need that thing in your life.   

Hugs and Love <3

You're Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile :)

 Recently, I was reading something about smiling. Even though this seems obvious, the article pointed out that blind people smile. They do this without ever having seen someone else smile. It is a natural, human reaction to feeling happy.

 Then, I remembered something I had read in one of my psych classes about smiling. Just the physical act of smiling (whether we are actually happy or not) releases endorphins. Smiling literally makes us happier. It is a manifestation of happiness AND a causer of it. How awesome is that?

 Then after a little more research turns out smiling has all these other benefits. It can lower your blood pressure, It can help a person handle pain. You have a better immure system if you smile more. And if the internet isn't lying, it is contagious! Once you start smiling, so will everyone else! Then they will get all those benefits, too!! :)

 So....start smiling, people!! :)

Regrets Are For Dummies

 So, I am learning that part of growing up is having to make tough decisions. When I was a kid decisions were super easy. There was the obvious right choice and the obvious wrong choice. Even through high school there wasn't much opportunity to make horrible decisions. There were some, but nothing that was life altering.

  

 Obviously, in my almost 22 years, I have made some serious mistakes. But, here is the cool thing. They have changed my life so much that given the chance I wouldn't not make them for the world. Mistakes make us tougher. They give us scars so that the world can see what we have done, what we can do. 

 But,  now I see potential for horrid mistakes in the lives of people I care about. All I want to do is lock them up in a room of bubble wrap and keep anything bad from happening to them. Probably, my family and friends wanted to do the same to me. And, if they had, I would not have learned what I did. I wouldn't be what I am today. So, I guess...let people make mistakes. You wouldn't be able to stop them anyway. And, they will get the chance to grow. 

 One of my favorite things in the whole world is the phrase "carry on". It means that bad stuff is going to happen, but just keep going. Don't stop moving forward. Take what is given to you and carry it with you. Falling down makes you stronger, gives you the strength to carry on. 

 

 When life gets crappy just remember: Right now, in this very moment, you are still breathing and people still love you. Remember all the stuff you have made it through that has brought you right here to this moment. There is a reason that you survived what you did. It was to make you stronger so you could carry on through the bad times. 

 Don't carry regrets, and don't let others. Let them fall, but be there to help them stand back up. Thank you to all my loved ones who helped me. Here's hoping I will be as great at as they were. 

Sorry, Guys!

 So, when my life gets stressful and crazy, I have a hard time thinking of things to write. With finals and starting a new job, and just a load of stupid life drama my poor little blog has suffered.

BUT, I have a load of new writing topics, so prepare yourselves! :)

Here is a picture of Steve McQueen. Hopefully it will make up for not writing for a week.

you are welcome. 

Thank You, Previous Generations For Getting Stuff Right!!

 You know what is awesome? There was only like a one in 40 trillion chance that you would be born. That means that generations of people had to get their shit together well enough to create a chain of events ultimately resulting in you. That means that everything happens for a reason.

 Lets take for example...what are the odds that I would be friends with any of the people I am? My friend Marie and I moved from opposite coasts to the same small Kansas town. What if her parents picked a different town? Or mine decided to never leave Atlanta? Who would I be? How has her friendship influenced my life to make me the person I am today? Our shared experiences are what bonded us. So even if we had met at some other point in our lives, would we still have gotten as close as we did? If movies have taught us anything, it is that we would not. And, how sad is that? I am so grateful for every single (yes, even the horrid) things that have happened, because in this day, I am so satisfied with my life and the people in it.

 I guess the real point of all this is to say that I miss Marie and I wish she would get back from Safari so I could talk to her. :)

Also, all of you should read her blog about her time at Stellenbosch http://khayamnandi.blogspot.com/


Hugs and Smooches! :)

Burn It Down With Love

 Anyone who knows me knows how much I love Catherine of Sienna. I tend to talk about her...muchly. Today, her feast day, I am going to write a little bit about why. 

 She spoke Italian, so her really famous quote can be translated into English a couple different ways. My favorite is "be who you were created to be, and you will set the world on fire". I sometimes can't get over how much I love this quote. It is the screensaver on my phone. It really just sums up how I feel about life and love. 

 

 I believe in souls and God. I believe that he created each person's soul with loving kindness. He breathes life into our souls and ignites a flame of love. He gives us this little burning. We carry it around all day, slowly growing into amazing people, feeding this flame. Eventually, we find our place. We find that one thing that makes the flame erupt into an inferno, consuming everything around us. 

 It is amazing to see people who have found their path. You can see the love they are pouring out and it makes you love them back. They care so much about what is important to them. 

 So, I guess....do what you love, and love will be what you do. 

 Thank you, St. Catherine for just being totally awesome :) 

Happy Birthday!!

 Today is my wonderful mother's birthday!! She is the loveliest and most incredible woman born to this planet!

In honor of that, here is a photo of all of us at the Vineyard this weekend!! She is the gorgeous one, far to the right! Best looking of us all!

Love and Hugs <3

Breathe It In, Guys

 It is safe to say that am pretty addicted to Pinterest. It is basically a search engine where all the results are awesome. Do things get any better? No, they don't.

 I always seem to find these really great, inspiring quotes and sayings while I am scrolling through. They just fill me with the most amazing thoughts and notions. Some of them are just for me, but some I like to share. So, here you go!

 This is a meditation mantra I found. And, even though I don't really do meditation (I have prayer to calm me down) I found this to be incredibly soothing. Peace and love go hand in hand. Anything wrong or malicious can be fixed with kindness. Breathe out love, and you and everyone around you can enjoy the rush of peace that surrounds you. It is a chain reaction. Your love will create an environment of peace for someone else, and then they will be able to spread their love with the people around them.

 Let yourself be caught up in the overwhelming waves of love. It is a juggernaut, ready to plow through hate and insecurity.

Well, This Is Just Awesome.

 All of my life I have know one thing for certain about myself. I love sleep. So much. It is just the best thing in the world. I just like being asleep. Apart from being incredibly comfortable, nothing bad happens while one sleeps. It is just perfect.

 The reverse of this is that I hate waking up. It just makes me sad and cranky. Usually I can't function at all for the first 3-5 minutes that I am awake (things like: can't remember who I am/where I am/where Gabrielle is. ha)

BUT....

 Sloan and I have done some Freaky Friday swippy-swappy. Suddenly, I am up hours before I need to be and it feels wunderbar!! And Sloan now sleeps like the dead. Let us hope it continues this way. Well, my part any way. Sloan can do what she wants with her short end of the stick. But, I think I am going to like being a morning person. :)

Everything Will Be Ok In The End...

...if its not ok, it is not the end.

 I guess, I take this to mean that happiness is the goal. Nothing else matters until you get there. And once you get to the end, and you're basking in a world of happiness, the little things that were terrible will just be stepping stones on your way to happiness. Think about that...everything happens for a reason, and the headaches will eventually become a part of what makes you happy. In the end you will be happy. So happy. And it will only be because of the things you had the strength to stand through.

 Hope your day is as awesome as mine is going to be :)


Behave yourselves! Love always,
Alexandra

P.S.
I am not sure who that said the "ok" quote. I've heard it before and it stuck with me. I tried asking the internet and it came up with a dozen different answers. To whomever actually said it though, thank you!!!

If This Isn't Nice, I Don't Know What Is

 I like to try and live my life so that I am happy as often as I can be. I want to be so happy that I make other people happy just by being around me. It's just good business! I've found the only way to accomplish this is to focus on the tiny things that are wonderful; make them so important, let it fill up your day. Then the terrible stuff (its always going to be there, no matter what) will be overshadowed by the lovely things.

 Another key is surrounding yourself with amazing people. Fortunately for me, that is no problem. I have a truly incredible family, and friends whom I love dearly. For the most part I think they share my outlook on life. We depend on each other, and help one another grow.

 Recently, one of my closest buds showed me a quote by Vonnegut. It really just encapsulates what I want to say:

      "I urge you, please notice when you are happy and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'if this isn't nice, I don't know what is'"

 What an awesome sentiment. During busy, crazy, hellish days it can be hard to find something worth exclaiming over. But when you find it, the small teeny thing that makes you smile, let the world know. Put a smile on your face and wear your happiness for everyone to see.

 Today, I am happy for the loving support of my family and friends. Also, BBQ.



  Hugs and love,
Alexandra

Gotta Get Down On Friday

 When she orignially preformed the song "Friday", I feel that Rebecca Black had a distinct message she wanted broadcasted to the world. Many might speculate as to what her message really was; we may never know for sure. After deep thought and reflection, I have come to the conclusion that what she really wanted was for us to "get down on Friday." To honor her wishes, I myself will be getting down this Friday.

 About to go see get some delciouso BBQ with La Gabrielle. It is about to be a crazy day, guys. Get. On. Our. Level. Fo. Real.

Shit We Say

 My life would make for hilarious, prime time televisioning. Between hilarious family antics and my crazy friends/ coworkers...I feel a solid program of entertainment could emerge. BUT, so does everyone else. Really, who doesn't think their life is awesome? Everyone thinks their friends are hilarious. You hear people say they should have their own TV show ALL THE TIME. Most people who say this live lives that would not make for good television. There really has only been one person who's life made for great television, and that was Jerry Seinfeld. I am no Jerry Seinfeld. Sadly, my friends are not George Costanzas.

 But the shit we say is golden, Ponyboy!! Perhaps a twitter feed of all the random stuff? Perhaps. We shall see.

 In other news, there is Vineyarding to be had this weekend. My friend Ashley turns 21 and we are going to get classy smashed drinking wine and such :) Ha...smashed with Ashley. Smashley. Ha.

 In other vineyard news, I got a job a summer job at a vineyard!! I start on Sunday and I could not be more excited.

 In other news on excitement, listen to this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-64CaD8GXw It should excite you.

In other song news, I may have decided to start a band. Probably not. But, maybe. We'll see.

 Oh! And perhaps most importantly of all... I heard today that there is a Bill and Ted 3 in the works. You may be doing a happy dance (or some other form of rejoicing) BUT apparently, it is still years away, so stop happy dancing. It was a nice sentiment, but getting that excited this early on is just sad. We will all get excited together when the trailer finally comes out. Ok?

  Have a good day. Carry on.  

Well, that's gonna leave a mark!

I loooove crew socks!! They are the best socks. They're the only ones that don't slip off your feet when you walk. Plus they are super cute.

Le problem is, though, I know I'm getting a sock line/tan line. Sock tans can be cute, right?


Also, Django Unchained comes out on Redbox tonight!! I know what we're gonna do today, Ferb!! :)

That Happiness Is Mine

 Treat people with love and compassion. Every single person in this world has suffered in a way that you couldn't handle. Everyone is fighting a battle that is unimaginable to you. When you consider what you have gone through, the terrible tragedies you have suffered, remember: everyone suffers. Have compassion, even when it is hard.

 When you use your own love to look at people, you begin to see their own goodness and merit. See the goodness and love in everyone, because often they don't see it themselves. Love is a fire, it catches from one person to the next. When you find love in another person, they will find it also. It will spread and cover a multitude of hate. 

 In wake of the bombings in Boston yesterday and the 6th Anniversary of the Virginia Tech Shooting, spend time today promoting love. Rather than mourn the state of the world, take and active step toward making that world better. Show a world of hate that you are a lover. 

 "I've decided to stick with love, hate is too great a burden to bear" -MLK

Promote Love

I believe in Love. Above all things.

Every single person has pain. It is what makes us human. It is what binds us together in this crazy, mortal world. To look with love upon another person's pain teaches them to do the same. Love is a flame, waiting to consume the world. Pass love on. Every single day...be a promoter of love. 

Prayers and Love to the victims and families of the senseless killings in Boston, today! <3 

I'm Sprung!!

 I am about as un-gangster as a white girl can be, BUT I do like to use random ghetto terminology. I also like to use it ironically. Thus, the "sprung". If I am remembering T-Pain correctly, sprung mean that you are super duper in love with someone/something.

I guess that means I am sprung for spring? Anyway, that't the point of this post. It's FINALLY spring, guys!!! Winter really just sucks. Anyone who says differently is lying or crazy. Probably.

 Anywhoo...here is a picture of my baby sister, her best friend, and myself enjoying ourselves on the river this wonderful, gorgeous springtime!! If you are smart, you will get out and soak up some sun, too. Provided,of course that it is as lovely where you live as it is here :)

stay golden :)

Blogs, am I right?

Blogs, am I right?

 So, basically everyone has a blog. It seems like they are used for a lot of passive-aggressive complaining about life and they people involved. What a waste of internet! If people wanted to hear about the shitty-ness (shittiness? shittyness? who knows?) of your life...they would ask you about it. I promise not to get that way. Probably. If I get too whiny on here please just throw me a "No one cares. Not even in the slightest. Move on and get past it". I'll probably stop after that. Or maybe write a passive-aggressive post about you. But, probably not.

 The main reason I am starting this silly ol' thing is because a super awesome chick gave me the idea. She wanted to start one, but seems unsure. We will monitor the progress of that. Ironically she is the one off having adventures in foreign countries, doing things worth blogging about.

 I on the other hand just go to community college and hang out with my hilarious friends. Still, I think my life should have a television show. (it really is that awesome) But, mind you, not an awful Jersey Shore type television show where everyone is terrible and looking at their lives makes you feel like a better person. My television show would be about how hilarious and awesome my friends and I are.

 Also, my family. They are incredible. But, more to come on that.

You stay classy, San Francisco! :)